Carpe Diem, the Final Chapter
by former-angel-14
Summary: for those who want to cry but can't, read this. It'll help you alot. Slash. HD.


Carpe Diem, Last Draw  
  
By: Ilfirin, actually...  
  
J: This isn't mine...this is ilfi's and here's a message from her:  
  
(and forgive her for her stupidity *and for existing* not to capitalize what was needed to be - she thinks it's cute)  
  
-*-*-  
  
A: a part of a story i wrote...actually the end...niwei, is not planning on posting whole story. Just this. check out what you think of it...  
  
D: I own nothing but myself and you can't sue mE!!! BWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
-*-*-  
  
Draco sucked his last puff and dropped his stick, putting the fire out with his shoe as he turned to harry with a painful smile.  
  
"it's as easy as stepping on a lighted cig," draco said, almost dramatically but plain damn seriously, "for you that is."  
  
harry opened his mouth to protest but draco cut him off, "harry, don't feel guilty or pitious - i hate it when people take pity of me; ask pansy, she'll tell you - and please, most importantly, don't think i care,"  
  
harry stared at him, confused as a primitive man brought to a hardware store.  
  
"i dont get you," he finally said, "you say you're deeply in love with me and you don't care that i don't love you back?"  
  
"yeah," draco said, plainly, "if you see it my way, you'd understand me,"  
  
harry hopped down from the ledge and crossed his arms, "and your way is?"  
  
draco sighed for a moment.  
  
"harry, i don't hell know wtf love is. but im feeling it. feeling it right now, and ever since 5th grade, for you. i don't know why i feel it but i don't care and you know what else?"  
  
"what?"  
  
"i love it. i love everything about loving you, even though it hurts so much i feel like i wanna die to know you could never love me back. its a terrible thought of being in love alone but somehow i love it," draco bursted out, passionately, raising his arms and waving it to the wind as if he wished to get caught by the glorious element of life and be blown away. draco and his lanky, kinda-built figure, just standing there, smiling as if the worlds was his, arms up in the air, struck harry. for once harry admitted whole-heartedly, without hatred forcing him whatsoever, that draco was beautiful. wasted and beautiful. how could he not love such a gorgeous creature? harry had no idea.  
  
"draco, i want to ask you something,"  
  
"shoot,"  
  
"why are you telling me all this?"   
  
draco let his arms down and he turned to harry, eyes shining with gentleness. draco reached out for harry's arms and, with a speed harry never expected to discover due to quidditch matches where in draco seemed to always be lagging behind, harry found himself in warm arms. but he felt afraid more than loved, despite the fact that the latter seemed to radiate from every part of draco's body. he felt his knees turn into jelly. and yet he felt safe, cared for, thought about and he felt like he belonged. he guessed that those were the things that scared him shitless. from sitting on the ledge, smoking, to discovering his archenemeny loved him to this ... everything was going damn fast.   
  
then draco let go and harry could feel the urge of pulling draco back running through his veins. but he let draco let him go.   
  
"well?" harry asked, surprised he had formed a word after such a shocking moment.   
  
"carpe diem," draco answered, softly, looking amused as harry's face went blank. but before harry could speak up, draco hushed him down, rasing his index fingers and pressing them upon harry's red lips, "good bye,"  
  
and with that, draco swirled and walked away. harry blinked a few times before he realized he was alone in the astronomy tower, the wind gently brushing against his flushed cheeks, the silence ringing in his ears, the stars twinkling like diamonds underwater. he was alone.   
  
had everything been a dream? was he sleep walking?   
  
harry looked down and saw 4-5 sticks of cigarettes on the floor. he crouched and picked one up. he looked at it closely.  
  
"carpe diem," he said to himself, remembering the words his earlier companion had said. he stood up and headed for the door. and before he shut the door he smiled as he whispered, "seize the day,"  
  
finally, everything seemed to make sense.  
  
*-later that dawn-*  
  
pansy headed down to the common room, still a little sleepy. she had been rudely awaken from her sleep by her roommates, caisha and shang. the two were talking about their boy friends, caisha proudly boasting that hers had finally proposed to her. uh, how is it possible that the guy could last with her after being one of hogwart's biggest players?   
  
pansy shook her head. she was brilliant, a genius but fuck she didnt want to understand love. fucking complicated.  
  
she walked towards the fireplace, glad that she was alone. though before she could reach one of the love chairs, she almost jumped out of her flesh as the dungeon's portrait hole swung open. she turned to it and her throat formulated a scream she let out at the sight of a dark figure entering the common room. but as soon as the figure captured some of the light coming from the fire place, pansy stopped screaming.   
  
"draco?" pansy asked, clutching her chest as the blonde boy shut the portrait hole with a bang that made pansy cringe in surprise. yeah, it was draco.  
  
draco headed for one of the chairs and quickly sat down. he looked paler than the usual and his eyes seemed to have lost it's colour. his cheeks had stains on them pansy could only guess were trails left by tears that were shed just lately. pansy felt her rib cage contract.   
  
he'd been crying, she thought, and i wasn't there,  
  
"yeah, it's me. why? were you expecting somebody else?" draco asked, his voice dull and grave.   
  
"no," pansy answered, the croak in her voice screaming her concern, "but i wasn't expecting you,"  
  
silence.   
  
pansy sat on the chair across draco and she waited. for a moment, they sat there. pansy could have come closer and comforted her best friend but she waited. she knew he didn't want that until he did. and finally, after more minutes of defeaning silence, draco spoke.   
  
and he shed his first batch of tears as he did.  
  
"i told him pansy. i told him this morning, you know, sending him a message through ana. i told him i wanted to meet him to ask him if he felt the same way. and he came atleast hours late. when he came, i told him i didn't care if he was late, but i really did. and it hurt caring,"  
  
pansy stood up and sat on the floor, next to the chair where draco sat, her back towards the fireplace.  
  
"we talked. we talked about being friends and the first day on the train. memorable moments," draco laughed, softly. he felt pass sad, so ripped. his name, his dignity didn't matter anymore. the point, the fact that perfect Mr. Malfoy was rejected by Mr. Potter destroyed every little hope he had come to know. it was too painful for words to describe. too fucking painful.  
  
"and as we talked, as minutes passed onto hours, i felt like the happiest man alive. i felt, for the first time in my entire life, that life was not shit.   
  
i felt like i was back in my childhood, where my father took me as his son and not as his trophy. i felt as if the world turned back and i had a home not a military camp, where everything has to be about names and glory. as if everything made good sense.  
  
i was so happy. i was with the one i loved. i was with the one who made me feel human, imperfect and wrong. but as hours stretched on, i grew anxious and my joy fell. i wanted to know. but i felt like i knew even before he spoke it,"  
  
draco stopped talking and he fell to pansy's arms, sobbing. his tears fell endlessly. his pain was so strong even pansy felt tears falling from her eyes. she hugged him, rocking him back and forth like a child.  
  
"he said he couldn't love me back," draco continued, choking back tears, "he said he couldn't because he was in love with someone else and me and him together was just impossible. he sounded like he felt guilty telling me this. and i told him not to because it can't be that hard for him. and i told him i didn't care,  
  
"BUT I CARED!" draco bursted out, more tears flooding down his cheeks, "i loved him so much that i couldn't stand being with him for another minute. i just couldn't stand having to be in love with someone who couldn't love me back but i said i could. i lied. to him, to myself. how could have i lasted another minute with him? huh, pansy?"  
  
draco had taken hold of pansy's arms and he was looking at her in the eyes, his own pouring the pain in his heart and soul. pansy choked back tears and she held his chin up.  
  
"because you loved him. you -could- stand another minute with him. you say you can't because the pain was eating you but you could and you did," pansy cried. draco closed his eyes and calmed.   
  
"i've always been an egotistical bastard, seeing myself as perfect. and so if i am, why couldn't he love me?"  
  
pansy reached out for draco's hands, "i never understood love at all, draco. but i guess because he was meant for someone else and so were you. your heart may be for him now but time will pass and the owner will change. the only constant thing in this world is change, remember?  
  
you love him. and that matters. to you and to him, maybe it wouldn't. but you love him, and you will pain but you love him,"  
  
draco hugged pansy, tears still falling down his cheeks.   
  
pansy smiled.  
  
all that really mattered was draco had done it despite everything she said. despite her definition of harry as an impossible, he had siezed the day.   
  
things done for love.   
  
carpe diem.  
  
-8-8-8-  
  
the end  
  
-*-*-*-  
  
...then legolas came out of nowhere oh!!! wrong setting...  
  
j: YEAH!!! 


End file.
